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Archive for November, 2007

Observations On The Decline Of My Life

November 23, 2007 1 comment

I don’t know why, but I feel compelled to blog.  Im not exactly sure about what though.  It looks like its going to be a long night tonight.  I am so not looking forward to it.  But I guess I have nobody to blame but myself, and thus probably deserve a sleepless night. 

So yea…I don’t know man.  I gotta get my life in serious order here.  It just seems like everything is static and I am going nowhere.  I am always stressed about the future.  I am never stressed about the present.  And whatever ends up happening in the future is going to be because I was not stressed in the present.  Its like this vicious cycle that I can’t get myself out of.  Sometimes I think that with all the stuff that man has accomplished over the Melania, we inevitably or by accident make our lives more difficult as each day goes by.  Or maybe its just me.  Maybe Im copping out.  More likely than not, it is I who has made my own life more complicated than it should be.  And maybe because of that, I will have opened up a whole can of worms in the future for me to deal with.  But even so…I don’t know how people deal with this sorta stuff. Or maybe I am over-blowing my whole situation and I just have to put things into perspective and context.  I think its quite clear to conclude that I am pretty lost nowadays.  All I really want is to live a carefree life and not be one of those people that hates what they do for a living, hates getting up from bed and living another day that they do not look forward to.  Right now at this point in time, it seems like I will be one of those people that hates their job.  And honestly, I dread that like you wouldn’t believe.  And yet, I am not taking the steps that will help me achieve a job that I love.  And I honestly wish I knew why.  I honestly do, but I don’t.  If I get a job that I hate, my whole life up to that point will have been in vein and therefore completely worthless.  And yet, despite all that I have just stated, I have no motivation to get up and do what I have to in order to achieve what I so badly desire.  And I don’t want to be one of those people that has to reach a horrid low in order to get my life in order.  That is something that I fear even more.  And its not like I am lacking anything in my life.  I have good parents, good friends, house, car…all that stuff… though I have no money and no girlfriend.   

I guess I will have to live every day until one day it finally hits me that I actually have to do something about this.  I hope that day comes soon and I hope it comes in peace, not by some horrid result. 

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*YAWN*

November 22, 2007 Leave a comment

I really Miss sleep. Like seriously. I miss sleep.  I want sleep. I need sleep.  I slept last night for a bit and had one of the most pleasant dreams I have ever had in a while.  Like I actually woke up happy for once.  What made it even more pleasant was that there was a certain someone that I was with in the dream.  But yea…I so wish I could sleep right now. Times like this where I wish I didn’t have this stress lingering over my head.  

What I Have Learned This Week

November 20, 2007 3 comments

Aside from learning (semester after semester) what a pain it is to write essays hours before they are due, I have come to the complete realization that I am absolutely in love with television.  During my times of procrastination, I would frequently be surfing youtube for clips of various shows.  I am really starting to believe that those that work on television are extremely lucky and I assume they are happy. 

Right now, I am in the midst of downloading three shows that have since departed: Felicity, Freaks and Geeks, and Undeclared.  I was always intrigued by the ladder two shows but never really got into Felicity.  But lately, I don’t know, for some reason, it seems like a very intriguing show and very interesting story.  I will probably spend the majority of my Christmas holidays watching this show.  And after Superbad came out, I am starting to realize just how creative Seth Rogan and his crew really are. 

So what is it about television that captures me?  Now that I look back, I have always been into tv.  Ever since I was a kid, I was always glued to the TV.  Whether it was watching the news, or kids shows or prime time, I always found television to be fascinating.  As I grew older, I became intrigued with the beauty that is prime time television.  I think what really gets me is what television truly is: art.  Everything about television makes me intrigued.  The lighting, the angles, dialogue, the writing, the acting, music….everything.  I even find myself sitting there critiquing commercials. 

Even when I am doing homework at home, I’ll be sitting at my desk with the TV on the Weather Network or something with the volume muted.  Its almost like as if its some sort of companion, an imaginary friend.  The biggest thing about television though is the escapism.  Its like this constant escape from the reality of a not so wonderful life.  Just the fact that I can get away from it all with literally a click of a button is like the most amazing thing to me.  And now that television is on the net and on DVD, its even better.  You can actually watch shows that came to and end long ago or got cancelled.  Ive got all the Greg The Bunny Episodes on my computer!  And its only getting better.  Tivo, hi def, flat screens and all that great stuff is only enhancing the whole television experience.  I can’t even imagine what it will be like 10 years from now. 

I think that if I were not into what I am, I would probably seek a career in television.  The only downside to it is that it seems like the whole industry is very volatile with respect to jobs, especially for actors.  But nevertheless, it just seems like some of the greatest creative potential comes out on television.  And it also seems like because television is so readily available, many of us take this art for granted and don’t realize all the hard work that goes into creating these shows that we watch every day and the beauty that materializes out this work. 

I am literally the only person that I have met that feels this passionately about TV.  Mind you, I am the audience so I have a completely different perspective on it. Those that actually work in the industry may be able to pick out the flaws in what I have said.  And I can admit, there is a hint of romanticism in my perspective.  But even so, I honestly think, and I know this may sound lame, TV is one of the better things in my life and I am so glad to have it.  I wouldn’t give it up for anything. 

I love television. 

I Hate This…

November 18, 2007 Leave a comment

This like happens to me every semester. Just when paper time is around the corner, I crash.  As of right now, I have two papers due, one of which was due Friday and the other one which is due on Monday.  I have all the books lying here on my bedroom floor but yet, here I am sitting here, not even making an effort to get myself writing.  And yet, here I am typing away on my blog.  For the last like three to four hours, I have sat here and surfed youtube and watched quite possibly every Freaks and Geeks clip as well as every Undeclared clip on the site.  Every now and then, between my periods of rationality, this thought of my crappy GPA comes to mind and I get this sinking feeling in my stomach and my legs get numb.  And to get rid of this feeling, I try and do something else…like watch another Undeclared episode, just to relieve my stress.  This weekend hasn’t helped at all.  I’ve had LSAT class all day Friday and Saturday and I have it Sunday as well.  That still isn’t an excuse considering I have had all of last week, up until Wednesday off for the long weekend.  I don’t know why I do this.   This happens every Goddamn semester.  I am at this point where I just hate papers now with such a passion.  I don’t want to write papers for which I have to be graded for the littlest things anymore.  Can you believe, I will get docked a third of a letter grade, just because I didn’t footnote write? Like bloody come on.  This isn’t good for my GPA, this isn’t good for grad school or law school either.  I really hate times like this.  Its times like this where I see my entire future collapse in front of me.  Like literally…I can see my entire life end right now.  And you know what the funny thing is? I never ever learn my lesson. I go through this hell every semester.  And I just never learn.  I wish I knew why I do this.  And to be honest, I really don’t know.  The only thing I can attribute this to is the lack of motivation and drive….which is so sad because I could be graduating like a year from now.  Why did life have to be so bloody hard? I can slowly see myself becoming a failure and I have nobody blame but myself.

Unprodictive Long Weekend

November 12, 2007 Leave a comment

Well its the long weekend and once again my study schedule isn’t going as planned.  Its Sunday today and I have yet to begin work on my papers.  This is not a good thing because I know I going to deeply regret wasting this time come due dates.  But honestly, I am so exhausted these days its not even funny.  Sometimes I wish I could have some time where I don’t have to worry about work or school or deadlines…sometimes I wish I could just be.  People who make fun of a poli degree don’t realize that degrees like these mentally drain you and that has a toll on your body.  But whatever…they’re just haters.  Thank God I have Monday and Tuesday off from school.  Ive been worrying about doing some work these last two days. I think I am just going to literally do nothing tomorrow and give it my all starting on Tuesday.  We’ll see how well that goes. 

I am really tempted to talk about a dear friend of mine and her plight but I am hesitant to do so, so I guess won’t.  Ive been thinking a lot about her and I don’t know if that is necessarily a good thing.  Like literally this entire week, she’s been on my mind.

Speaking of girls, I think I have found the girl of my dreams.  She’s in the music video posted below.  She is literally the type of girl that I lay in bed thinking about night after night.  The smile….the long black hair…that hint of shyness on her face…perfection! Im going to go to bed now and hope she appears in my dreams tonight.

Cuff The Duke

Cuff The Duke 

I just saw this pretty cool sounding band on MTV right now called Cuff The Duke.  Well I don’t know if they are cool sounding, they only showed one song of theirs that they performed life called Surging Revival.  They are a Canadian Band from Oshawa Ontario.  Check out their MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/cufftheduke 

I love these kinds of feel good songs.  They give you a motivation to get out of bed and go to school and finish your assignments that were due like last week.  Good stuff.

Back In The Day…

I have come to the realization that I am becoming old.  How?  I have become one of those guys that reminisces about how it was so much better when I was a kid.  And it seems like its so true.  Commercials were so much better, TV shows were so much better, Much Music was so much better, pop music was so much better, rap and hip hope music was so much better….ahhh how I miss those days.  What has sparked this realization? One simple youtube clip of a commercial: