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I Hate This…

This like happens to me every semester. Just when paper time is around the corner, I crash.  As of right now, I have two papers due, one of which was due Friday and the other one which is due on Monday.  I have all the books lying here on my bedroom floor but yet, here I am sitting here, not even making an effort to get myself writing.  And yet, here I am typing away on my blog.  For the last like three to four hours, I have sat here and surfed youtube and watched quite possibly every Freaks and Geeks clip as well as every Undeclared clip on the site.  Every now and then, between my periods of rationality, this thought of my crappy GPA comes to mind and I get this sinking feeling in my stomach and my legs get numb.  And to get rid of this feeling, I try and do something else…like watch another Undeclared episode, just to relieve my stress.  This weekend hasn’t helped at all.  I’ve had LSAT class all day Friday and Saturday and I have it Sunday as well.  That still isn’t an excuse considering I have had all of last week, up until Wednesday off for the long weekend.  I don’t know why I do this.   This happens every Goddamn semester.  I am at this point where I just hate papers now with such a passion.  I don’t want to write papers for which I have to be graded for the littlest things anymore.  Can you believe, I will get docked a third of a letter grade, just because I didn’t footnote write? Like bloody come on.  This isn’t good for my GPA, this isn’t good for grad school or law school either.  I really hate times like this.  Its times like this where I see my entire future collapse in front of me.  Like literally…I can see my entire life end right now.  And you know what the funny thing is? I never ever learn my lesson. I go through this hell every semester.  And I just never learn.  I wish I knew why I do this.  And to be honest, I really don’t know.  The only thing I can attribute this to is the lack of motivation and drive….which is so sad because I could be graduating like a year from now.  Why did life have to be so bloody hard? I can slowly see myself becoming a failure and I have nobody blame but myself.

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