Unorganised Thoughts

As you guys might have noticed, I have not posed an entry in quite a while.  To be honest, I have been avoiding my blog and I really have no idea why.  I log in every now and then but never mustered up the energy to actually write an entry.

Which is an odd thing really because I have had a pretty good semester.  Alhumdulliah I got some amazing marks this semester.  I had a lot of fun with the club I was involved with (we put on some successful events) and my social life was quite exciting.  On top of that, I fulfilled all the requirements of my for my degree.  Aside from a little student loan mishap (actually its quite a big mishap but oddly enough, it doesn’t stress me out a whole lot) and a bit of drama that went on, it was a really good semester.

So I’m sure there are some deep seeded reasons as to why I didn’t visit my blog.  It may partly be due to the fact that I am pretty much done my degree.  And I know once I officially graduate, I am going to ball my eyes out.  I am going to utterly miss university and the whole undergrad experience as a whole.  I am still planning on taking classes as I want to bring my GPA up to a level that I am satisfied of.  In fact, I am even contemplating doing a minor.  After all, with the way the economy and the job market is now, it’s a good time to increase one’s education and qualifications.

I am starting to realise now that I lack a lot of things in my life at this point.  The two biggest things are the lack of religiosity and the lack of balance.  It’s been said that one’s level of religion is similar to that of the flightpath of a bird; up and down.  Sometimes my religious level is very high and other times it is very low.  It’s quite embarrassing to admit.  I don’t know why but I can never keep it at a constant high level.  Maybe that’s just a part of the whole experience but I need it badly.  The worst part of it is that it’s not even that hard.  I, myself make it hard.  And I know so many of my problems could be solved if only I was more religious.

That may be directly or indirectly related to how the current imbalance I am feeling in my life at the moment.  Life doesn’t suck right now but its hardly going the way I want it to go.  I am either indulging in too much of one thing and not another, or I am wasting away my time on things that have no relevance in the greater scheme of things.  I am just not utilizing my time the way I should be at my age.  For example, I am currently in desperate need of a job right now and I haven’t been giving the search all my attention.  I’ll search for one every now and then but despite the desperate need, I am not putting my full attention on it.  And its not like I am looking for anything serious.  I just need a small job that will pay my bills and allow me to save up a little.  Because all the plans I have right now require me to have money which I don’t have at the present moment.

And as I type this, I realize its always the same stuff I am complaining about.  It never changes.  It’s almost as if life is at this constant static state, that nothing ever changes.

I really need to get my act together and get myself out of this prolonged rut.  Time is running out.  I need to become more responsible and really understand that I am the master of my ship.  All I need to do is steer it in the right direction.  And right now, that is not happening at all.

*fingers crossed*